Passions and stuff...

So I really hate talking about myself, and getting asked silly questions about what I'm passionate about. Let's be honest, no one really cares about what you're passionate about. People ask that question in either three settings: A writing assignment (like this), a job interview (and after making the 8 hour round tip to the District of Columbia for three separate interviews, only to come back empty handed, I'm kinda sick of interview-esque questions), or if someone is trying to get you into bed (which I can assure you happens once every five years for me).

With that said, I'll play along, just because...well, I don't want to fail this class.

Since my job entails me spending lots of time getting to know the gray highways of Western Pennsylvania, I've had lots of time to think about not only what I'm passionate about, but what would make someone not want to kill themselves; or in the very least, not feel like they wasted five minutes of their life.

So while traveling the dark, windy roads west of the Alleghenies; I thought about a lot of things I love to do or follow and came up with a decent sized list of passions. So we'll start at the top.

Politics are my number one passion, as I work for a Congressman who is trying to become a United States Senator. So logically that would be the first thing I could write about, right? Eh, maybe not. There's enough people talking about their love for change, helping people, the democratic process, blah, blah, blah... I'll let someone else tackle that topic. Plus, if I wrote about the specifics of my job, I'd get fired. Not something I'm looking for at the moment.

What else? Sports! Yeah, sports. I'm obsessed with sports. In my life I've played the following organized sports: Basketball, Track and Field, Hockey, and four different kinds of football - rugby, association (that's soccer to us Yanks), American, and Australian (go Squids!). So this is good, I can blog about sports. Sweet! But then I realized that like politics, sports are probably the most blogged about topic on the interwebs. So again, who cares about my experiences as a full-forward for a American Aussie Rules club? *Hint* The answer to that is found in the opening paragraph. And until I can find funding to create the North American Equestrian Water Polo League, I'll leave sports to someone else.

Hmm...I was in a bunch touring rock bands that was privileged to tour all over the US and Canada. But so were 90 per cent of my friends. Although I can guarantee that I was the only one of my friends (bandmates excluded) from a Pittsburgh band to tour Vermillion, South Dakota. Ever heard of it? Yeah, didn't think so. But everyone knows someone who was in a band that had similar experiences. So that idea is scratched.

Beer? If I was a frat boy or a bro, that would work, but I'm since I'm not, I'll let the experts take that one.

Bourbon or Port Wine? Not trying to show my snobby alcoholic ways quite yet.

Man, this is way tougher than I thought it was going to be. So as my depression was consuming me, it hit me. Just west of the thriving metropolis of Franklin, Pennsylvania. There is one thing that I can talk about that I'm passionate about that I can share with others, and in the process maybe help someone in the process. Now it's kinda gruesome, kinda violent, but this is America (FUCK YEAH!). Violence is American as apple pie.

Before I tell you what it is I want you to understand how this may change your life. Have you ever met someone that is a big bully? They intimidated you and maybe took your favorite toy as a kid, stole your boyfriend or girlfriend, or got that job you really wanted? I'm talking about the people who think that they're the baddest, coolest, person in the room and makes sure they get what they want and damn everyone else's feelings. The person when they come up in conversation makes you say, "I want to kill that (insert profanity here)!" Well this is something I've experienced too, and I've made it my goal to help all of us out by making it easier to get revenge on those who need it. My passion for making sure justice is done has led me to come up with this concept, one that I think will change all of us for the better.

I'm talking about creating the baddest, yet coolest, hitman service the world has ever seen. But this isn't just any ordinary hitman service, this is one that combines the stealth of nitjisu, with the surprise of the Unibomber.

My passion is starting the first American ninja for hire company.

My passion is having a shipping a ninja to your enemy...in a box.

That's right, for years I've thought what would be the best way to get revenge on someone, yet be so sly, there's no chance that anyone will trace it back to you. Who are the best at stealth? Ninjas of course. With their sleek all black outfits, soft slippers, and lack of guns; ninjas will kill you quieter than a mouse. Combine that with every one's love for packages in the mail, and you can't go wrong. I mean seriously, a big box shows up on your front door, and you're thinking "Oh look, someone sent me a pony in the mail!" You then race to bring the box inside, rip the packaging off like a six year old on Christmas Day, and before you know it...you're dead via a throwing star to your forehead. No time to call 911, no time to grab your sword to fight back, no time to even realize what just happened. Then like a black cat in the night, the ninja disappears and moves on to the next box.

Now it's not going to be cheap shipping humans through the mail, and I'm still trying to figure out if packaging peanuts or bubble wrap would be the better choice. Although one of the drawbacks to bubblewrap would the temptations of the ninja to pop the bubbles while waiting for his or her target. But I think that I'm on to something here. I think that there is a strong market for such a service. I think that after this whole political thing, I'm going to become a businessman and be the next Steve Jobs of the hitman industry. It's just going to take hard work, perseverance, and passion.

And ninjas in a box is something that I am definitely passionate about.